Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
