cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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