I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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