Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
