break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
