I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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