Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize