my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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