You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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