It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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