Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
