Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
