On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
