Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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