The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
