I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
