so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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