wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
