oh god the rape fog is back!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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