Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
