I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
