hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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