Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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