I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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