so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
