She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize