is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
