the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
