I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
