Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
