I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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