Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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