Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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