Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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