Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
