I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
