I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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