I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
