The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
