Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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