I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
