so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
