i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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