need another drink. this is the easiest way
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
