I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
