Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
