Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
