Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize