I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
