Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
