hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
