I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize