census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
