That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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