It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
not ubering you a puppy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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