i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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