dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
