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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on

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• (718): View more from New York

  Barsexuality is the new black.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.

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• (310): View more from California

  so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party

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• (435): View more from Utah

  It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now

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• (516): View more from New York

  its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.

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