i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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