my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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