I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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