he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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