It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
