apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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