Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize