Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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