apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
