There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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