just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
cat food counts as protein by the way
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
