I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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