Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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