He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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