Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize