To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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