I am midnight drunk by noon
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
