he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Two words: blizzard sex
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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