Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
