two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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