So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
sarcasm needs its own font
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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