Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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