Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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