Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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