I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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