it was like eating out sand paper
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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